Tribute

Novelty, there is something magical about this word in itself. It is attractive, distracting, appealing, tempting, and so much more. Our mundane lives become engrossing and livelier by a new occurrence. A change may be for good or bad, but it being a ‘change’ is more important than the event itself.

A new toy enchants an infant. New clothes make us want to dress up completely. Our hands itch to open a new book, and close it as soon as it’s not new anymore. Each new day brings us the hope for a better day, and a new year gives bounties of hope for a better tomorrow and a better future.

With a new year and its freshness coming up in another two weeks, I wish to give a tribute to all of them who make me smile simply by being there somewhere near me. To those some people who can make me feel good by just saying “Hello.” Their presence near me makes me feel like floating in air, weightless. Thinking about them, I wish to hum a tune and dance about. To them….

You being with me means a lot to me.

For without you, I can only laugh at some joke. With you, I can keep on smiling when no one is about.

For without you, I can sit alone with a book or a game. With you, I can sit and stare at nothing for hours.

For without you, I may roam around the world and see magnificent things and still feel wanting. With you, the streets near my so called home become worth seeing.

For without you, I might see the riches of nature. With you, I feel them to the core of my heart.

For without you, I feel the cold breeze in the air. With you, I feel the cold air is the connecting bridge between you and me.

Being a selfish creature…

I see a smile on your face, I feel nothing can go wrong now.

I read few words from you, I feel my heart soar high.

I hear you happy, I feel my problems melt away.

I guess, I should stop at this or else I my sincerity might be questioned. While taking leave for another month or so, I wish I could get all of such people in my life to read this and know… I might cry and weep for little and great things that hurt me. I might feel wretched when I do not get enough attention from you. I might feel I was better off without you. But at the end of such dark times, your still being there around me is what makes me feel alive. They say people come into your life for a reason and they leave when you might survive without them. They also say when someone leaves, they make space for another. I know it to be true. I will not hold you responsible for having to move on. Even if things go bad, even if we don’t get time to even converse, even if you don’t know what you mean to me, even if we may part ways or already have, you will forever remain in my memory as a smile. 

Solitary speaker

Her daughter, Amê, grew up to be a beautiful woman. She had the same angelic presence as she had as an infant. She had a magnificent job and despite her affliction she had many admirers as well. But by now Amê had started to feel constricted and restrained by the attentions everyone paid to her. She wished to be an independent and self sufficient woman. This desire that had started culling in her from her college days reached its culmination point when she got a transfer and her mother decided to go with her leaving her father and grandfather behind.

The sudden change in her daughter’s demeanor was difficult for her to understand. After all, wasn’t she supposed to be with her daughter all the time? How could she leave Amê to fend for herself in a new city which even she had never visited before? She understood her daughter’s concern regarding her husband and father-in law, but there were others to take care of them. So without any qualms on her conscience she removed herself from her home to a new house in a new city.

But the change in her daughter grew weirder and weirder each day. Amê would leave home without breakfast and without even taking her leave. She would not pick up her calls during the office hours. She returned home late at night and she would go straight to her bed. In the weekends she would catch hold of a book or a few movies and would stay stuck up in a corner of her bed. This continued for three months.

She first thought her daughter to be busy, and then imagined her to be in love and in the last month came to know that it was she that her daughter had objections to. She tried to talk to her, but her daughter kept her silence as usual. She tried appeasing Amê with her favorite foods, movies, books, clothes, everything, that too didn’t work. She then kept her own mouth shut for a while, not talking to her daughter, yet Amê stayed away from her. Contacting her friends back home, she came to know nothing. Frustrated after three more months, she decided to go back to her husband for some time. But while leaving she could not stop her tears nor could she stop herself from writing a letter for Amê.

“One day sooner than later, this monologue will have to end. Me continuously speaking and you hearing or listening I am not sure. Or even me writing and you reading. It has started to feel as if I am forcing you to live in my life, to be caged with me when you wish to fly away, be away from me. It feels like I am imprisoning you with my needs and my words.

Though you may believe it or not, I have tried to give you as much space as possible which according to me is a wide berth. I am not even sure whether you consider it a wide personal space or an empty space where I should have been there or you have ever noticed the space or not. Only if you talk to me, will I be able to know.

Is it wrong to expect few words from you? Is it too much to be expected when I want to know what is going on in your life, how are the people around you, or even how do you react to what I have to say? Is it?

Come on, talk to me… if not then write to me. I’ll go mad in this silence. Tell me I am a burden, I’ll leave right now. Tell me you want me, I’ll stay forever. Tell me to keep distance, you’ll find me only when you want to see me… but please tell me.

This monologue that I have kept going for quite some time had left me bereft. I do not know what you think, what you need, what you feel. It is maddening.

So, today, right now, I am giving you an option, either answer me or I’ll accept the silence for what it is, Rejection. And I shall accept it this time and move away from your life forever. I assure you I’ll not look back ever and you’ll not have to face me anytime in your entire lifetime.”

Solitary speaker

The birth of a baby girl gave her life a new direction. Born as beautiful as the most beautiful fairy man’s imagination might have led him to believe, she became the soul of her life. She named her child Amê meaning soul in French. Even though she took care of her duties as a wife and daughter-in-law of the house, she lived each moment of her day for her daughter.

As a toddler Amê gave delight to anyone watching her. She would enthrall and enrapture her audience, specifically her mother by her antics. When she grew up to be able to go to school, after initial hitches her teachers doted on her and praised her parents at every PTA meeting for her great upbringing. She was awarded the best student of the school every year without exception. Her college years were as fantastic, bright as she was it had to be.

And all the time when Amê was succeeding, her mother was standing sturdy behind her. She learnt all the lessons of her daughter till her college before her daughter so that she could help Amê learn them. She took driving lessons so as to be able to commute her daughter from home to school, to dance classes where she sat watching her daughter all the time and to anywhere else her daughter wished to go. She also started interacting with all her daughter’s teachers and friends and their parents and made many new friends herself. For days together she would not need tears to give her company, though she would dissolve into them once each week due to some reason or other and she would keep that as a secret protected especially from her daughter. And surprise of surprises, she started swimming at the advanced age of 42 when Amê wished to learn it herself. She had changed so much that her parents took delight watching her along with their granddaughter.

But these days were destined to change too…..

Solitary Speaker

Her wedding day changed her life. The life she was accustomed to was lost forever as happens with all the brides across the world. But the change in her case was drastic. Exactly 24 hours after her wedding her mother-in-law had a heart attack and ended up paralyzed for life. Consequently the entire family and its matters now landed on her shoulders since her husband and her father-in-law entered a dazed zone for quite some time and the younger siblings of her husband were too young to handle the family. And she became the voice of the family. Life changes so…

A typical day of hers would be something like this.

“Good morning”

“Mm… good morning.”

“Wake up. You are going to be late for office.”

“Mmm”

“Wake up. It is already 7 o’clock. I have taken bath and prepared your food. Breakfast includes toast and omelets and lunch box contains phulkas and gobhi. Your hot water for bath is ready. Your mom is fine. I have already checked on her. Your dad has taken his medicines. Your sister is already off to school and your brother is still snoring in his sleep. I’ll wake him up after you. So be quick or he’ll be late.”

“Mmm… I am already sitting.”

“Good. Ritesh…. Ritesh…. Wake up… your bhaiya is already awake and your sister is in school. Your mom has taken her breakfast and dad his medicines. Now it is your turn. Wake up. You have to complete your assignment. Wake up.”

“Bhabhi, I am trying to find my books. But with your chatter and my sleep I have forgotten the name of the book.”

“Ok, ok… find your book but before that get fresh and have your milk. You must be in a fresh mind to study. Only then something will get into your brain and you’ll be able to answer in exam…………”

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“Here’s your breakfast. Today you have to go to the bank for the insurance claim. And you have to go shopping with your sister for her books. Do remember both of them.”

“Hmm…”

“I think Ma needs another check up and Baba too. He seems very frail. He doesn’t eat very well. Maybe he doesn’t like what I cook. But I am helpless. I don’t know any other cooking apart from these though I have started on cooking lessons. Hope Baba doesn’t get sick. I think we must consult the doctor.”

“I leave the matter to you. Do as you think is required.”

“Ok… and Baba was telling he too has to go the bank to withdraw money from his pensions account. Don’t you think we must get a net banking account activated for him?”

“I’m getting late. Bbye”

“Bye. Have a good day in office and don’t forget….”

“I’ll not. Bye.”

“Ritesh… your breakfast is ready….”

“Bhabhi… I am studying… I’ll take it later.”

“Baba, how are you feeling?”

“Ok… Can you read your Ma the article written by her favourite writer in that magazine?”

“Ma… this article is written by your favourite writer in this week’s magazine. Listen….”

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“Ritesh… you’ll get late. Its 10 minutes to 10 and your bus will be arriving. Have your breakfast. I was busy reading to Ma and forgot time. Come quick.”

 “Bhabhi, I’ll grab food in college. Bye.”

“Ritesh….”

“Bahu, give me some book to read and you finish your household work. Don’t think about that brat.”

“I’ll be more careful from tomorrow baba.”

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“Ma, have some lunch. Here I am holding the spoon and today you have bhindi for lunch. You know our neighbor is supposed to come to meet you today. She said last time… Ma, take your time with the morsel. Don’t eat quickly for my sake. Yes, she said last time that you were looking better. The doctor also said that you have gained colour. Did you know the doctor fancies the girl who was beside your bed most of the time in the hospital last time we went for check up? He told me himself. I think both will be good for each other and make a handsome couple…..”

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“You came back. That’s so good. How was the day?”

“Ok.”

“Did you go to the bank?”

“Hmm…”

“And I see you have bought Sniti’s books. Did you have a good day at school, Sniti?”

“Boring as usual”

“Your crush was still on leave today then?”

“Bhabhi!”

“Ok.. I am not saying anything. Come, get fresh and have some tea.”

“Sure, bhabhi.”

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“Mrs. Dutta called on us today. She was trying to sell me the membership to her club. I refused and she told I am being treated as a caged bird. Imagine her effrontery! She told so in front of Baba. I asked her not to think of me as such a weak creature and snubbed her. Baba might be thinking otherwise. Will you clear the thing with him when he says anything to you?”

“Are you sure that is not how you feel?”

“I am sure. I don’t feel like a caged bird. No, of course, not.”

“How do you feel like then?”

“I… I don’t know. I haven’t thought. I don’t have time to think such things. I am so busy from day till night. Now I am feeling sleepy. Can we sleep?”

“Good night.”

“Mmm.. Good night.”

Solitary speaker

Her life was defined by two words ‘Silence’ and ‘tears’. Often she thought these were her only two friends. The day she was born only one person had smiled at her, her grandfather who survived only three days after the smile. Her mother and father had both hoped for a son and try as hard as they may, which they did not, they could not smile. The rest of her family was simply astonished to see a cleft lipped child and did not know whether to be happy or sad for the kid.

As she grew up the cleft lip needed attention, which was given by a doctor who could not bear to look at her while working. Her soulful large eyes were the mirror to the pain she felt even if her mouth gave no indication of the pain registered. Her pediatrician too found it difficult to treat her when she fell sick as she would hardly react like a normal infant. Not that there was anything abnormal with her except that may be she was born with a adult brain which could easily gauge emotions and would refuse to give trouble to anyone even though people such as the pediatrician expected trouble. Her infamy with her doctors did not endear her to her mother who had to endure the illness and sickness along with the child. Her father simply ignored her till the day she went to school.

At school, her classmates did not find an all compassing 4 year old kid all that interesting and she found that she could not strike up a friendship even with the most frail creature of her year. She was a moderate student and thus could not even attract a teacher her way, the teachers always attending students of high caliber to encourage them further or low performing ones to get them to study.

The school years had one interlude to the silence. Her father who was the best in whatever he did, expected the same of his own child, girl or boy. Her moderate performance was not to be tolerated by a high stickler father and hence he scolded and scolded her with his full lung capacity and she endured it with silence and tears. It seemed to her only tears could understand her as they came to her whenever she wanted.

School ended and then began college and with it came boys. Although her cleft lip had been operated, there was a scar left on her face for all times to come. Apart from that she was not an antidote. The guys tried to woo her just to see who could bring out a smile on her face, who could get her to drink a cup of coffee with him, who could ask her to take a ride with him. She knew it was all amusement for them and determinedly stayed away from all of them. Her father had given up on her till now and her mother was worried about her own health to take notice of the girl.

Everyone around her spoke to her in few words and she answered them with silence and the work she was supposed to do. Few people came to like her because of these traits of her but could not get past her shield of silence to befriend her. She had also got habituated with her loneliness and did not know she could fill the emptiness with some people.

The story of her life would have continued as such had she not visited the zoo the day she did for the first time in her life when she was already an adult. There she was seen by him who liked her instantly and came to her house to ask her hand in marriage. Her parents eagerly got her married at the earliest possible date after seeing that the man was eligible for their daughter.

Her wedding day changed her life forever….

  

Solitary speaker

One day sooner than later, this monologue will have to end. Me continuously speaking and you hearing or listening I am not sure. Or even me writing and you reading. It has started to feel as if I am forcing you to live in my life, to be caged with me when you wish to fly away, be away from me. It feels like I am imprisoning you with my needs and my words.

Though you may believe it or not, I have tried to give you as much space as possible which according to me is a wide berth. I am not even sure whether you consider it a wide personal space or an empty space where I should have been there or you have ever noticed the space or not. Only if you talk to me, will I be able to know.

Is it wrong to expect few words from you? Is it too much to be expected when I want to know what is going on in your life, how are the people around you, or even how do you react to what I have to say? Is it?

Come on, talk to me… if not then write to me. I’ll go mad in this silence. Tell me I am a burden, I’ll leave right now. Tell me you want me, I’ll stay forever. Tell me to keep distance, you’ll find me only when you want to see me… but please tell me.

This monologue that I have kept going for quite some time had left me bereft. I do not know what you think, what you need, what you feel. It is maddening.

So, today, right now, I am giving you an option, either answer me or I’ll accept the silence for what it is, Rejection. And I shall accept it this time and move away from your life forever. I assure you I’ll not look back ever and you’ll not have to face me anytime in your entire lifetime. 

The hungry "LEMONADE"r

So ok, I have put on weight and nobody seems happy about it. My attitude is perhaps the best among others, I don’t mind it. Why do the others mind it? Well ok they mind it… so… what???? Should I quit eating? Or should I walk, jog, run, and do mindless yoga all day? Should I even catch sleep on a tread mill? Well???? Oh! Ok… moderation… moderation huh!??? What is it anyway? Eat boiled vegetables and fruits all day long and 4 hours of exercise… Cool… Hey buddy that’s not for me. Good God! I did rather starve than eat such food. And don’t you start laughing. I can fast. I can go without food for 24 hours or so. I have done it before. I can do it again. Don’t you dare laugh. Don’t you laugh.

I wake up with a start. Oh! Ok I was dreaming. It was just a dream. I didn’t create a scene with…? Well, I don’t remember who I was with. Ah! It’s ok. It was only a dream.

So consoling myself on this point, I decide I need to go shopping for clothes. I don’t fit into my old ones anymore. And I am happy! Well, I am getting new clothes, am I not? It calls for celebration, which means pizza hut!!!! No!!! L I can’t… I had been teased as baby elephant just yesterday evening. I had better control my weight, even if I can’t reduce it.

And thus I am on my way to a mall. I look around, I buy clothes. I complain for the limited collections and the saleswoman politely tells me she has indeed a small collection for the largest size. I go for window shopping and suddenly I am ravenously hungry. I remember now, in my haste to get to the mall before the rains catch up with me I had forgotten my breakfast. And I also remember my resolution for having only lemonades today.

So I set out in the hunt of lemonades in the mall. But Oh no! really? Can’t someone do better? This mall has no lemonade stalls, not even stalls for tender coconuts. So what am I supposed to have? What am I supposed to do? Stay hungry? Oh! Oh my my! Oh, indeed. Fine, I’ll try.

Thinking thus I leave the mall and start on my way back home which is 45 minutes away, 30 on bus no 11 and 15 minutes on any other I get. I resignedly start walking picking up mental images of lemonade and fruit juices that I’ll prepare as soon as I get home and devour them just as quick. It won’t be difficult to stay hungry for 45 minutes, surely it won’t.

But the 20 minutes of walk takes its toll on me. I have to have some sugar in my bloodstream, the normal 80 pre-prandial. And the nearest food outlet…well J its McD… surely I can find something in there which I might have when I am on a diet regime. Oh! Sure!

Ecstatic I walk on to the counter of McD and salivate on the menu. I devour the menu with my eyes, but one little sensible part of my brain says, “Dear, diet control.” I try to ignore the voice and decide my menu of the day, but the voice refuses to be ignored. I halfheartedly, then search for some low calorie food. Not finding any my heart falls flat down to the sole of my feet agonizing about the next 25 minutes and more until I can gulp something down my throat. My eyes still on the menu card, I wonder about choices. Why are there choices when I can’t even have one? It feels like I am one of the characters in the ad for Naukari.com. “What is the use of choices if they don’t work for you?” or something like that.

Sighing I decide I might as well have a coke to keep me from dehydrating. And alas! I was just about to place my order when my cells starts beeping alerting me to a new text message. I reach for my cell and read the message. It is from time health and it tells me while dehydrating one must take salted water with sugar and not a drink containing soda which might cause the dehydration to be further severe.

Is the worse going to get over? Mulling and sulking I hit on the roads again and keep my eyes on the road lest it strays over to another food outlet and I am further tempted. I reach home, rush over to my refrigerator and…. Nooooooooooo!!!!!!

I had food in my refrigerator. I had kept a few lemons, some fruits, vegetables, sauces, syrups, cheese, butter, even ladoos. Where did it all go? Why is my fridge empty? Almost in panic I call on my flat mate and she calmly tells me she had to remove the food from the fridge and throw them all away because they were harboring fungi. Just today morning when she removed milk, it cheesed and in the process of discovering what was wrong with the milk, she found fungi in the fridge. She cleaned the fridge and has kept it switched off for defrosting. She informed me I might buy food provisions that will last me only a day and not more as the refrigerator will need to be kept switched off another 24 hours.

Good heavens! I am tired and hungry and have no food even the most oily or fatty food in the world to survive me. I will have to go out again to hunt some food. I take few deep breaths and calm myself down. Hey! Come on. You just had your last meal 16 hours back. See its 16 only, not even 24. You are ok… have some water with salt and sugar and you will be fine.

I am fine and I am going out to find a loaf of bread, never mind whether its white or brown. Something is always better than nothing. And I just happen to step out of my flat and the heavens open.

The downpour that started didn’t end till the next morning. My flat mate and the rest of the working people in this big city had to take refuge in their offices for the night and came home early next morning. I, unable to keep one foot out of my doors, had to stay hungry or rather without food surviving on water, salt and sugar till the morning proving I would rather starve than go on a strict diet regime. 

The Adventure Lasts 24 hours

Kemmenangudi, a small, peaceful, rainy town in Chikmaglur district of Karnataka has breathtaking views. Not that I noticed it at first, as we reached it in darkness before dawn precisely at 5.30 am in a group of 15 people. It was raining in the earnest as we got off the mini bus that would remain with us till the end of the tour. We reached the dormitories reserved for us drenched wet and all of us wanted a hot drink. There was no touching the water, it was freezing cold. Few went off to sleep and few of us watched the dawn breaking and the sun trying its best to show its presence inspite of the thick clouds pouring out their mass on us. Our cameras had a thorough usage although they could hardly do justice to what our eyes were feasting upon. The early morning mist on tall trees, rain drops caught in all leaves and twigs around, bright red, yellow and white bell shaped flowers, a terrestrial pattern of small huts, a downpour that turned to torrential rain to a slight drizzle and everything in between within the hour. It simply converted all the lactic acid in the muscles to glucose again and blew the webs of sleep away.

As soon as we could have a decent breakfast, we started in the direction of our first destination, the Kalahasthi falls. The waterfall was small and had been maneuvered to flow through certain path by human efforts. As there was a temple before the falls, we started the climb to the falls barefooted. Smooth stones and rocks, some carved some otherwise for footholds were dotted in the water. So was slime and algae on top of these rocks which made the climb tricky along with the continuous rain. All the troubles felt fruitful when I finally came down and felt very, very alive. Who knew five hours later I would be thanking heavens again.  

After this initial excitement, we headed for lunch and then came the turn of Hebbe falls. All any one of us knew of this fall was that it was a 5km trekking expedition to the waterfall. But as soon as we headed that way, we were told it was a 14km walk or a jeep that would take us for the first 11 km. The jeep being able to accommodate 6 people at the maximum was discarded and we began the descent down along a trail that was wide enough to allow four people to pass together. This trail was less tricky and had beautiful views to occupy the mind. Tall trees covered with creepers from the ground to the first branch, purple and red ferns, conifers, the sound of water everywhere, the water being mainly rain water.

And then

Then came my first ever encounter with blood suckers, LEECHES. No, they were not on my foot but on someone else’s. Gone was the feeling of tranquility henceforth and I watched the trail instead of the surroundings. Even though there was no leech on me in the entire duration, there was always a pseudo feeling that does not come even when a leech has a completely satiated gut. One of our team always proclaimed we had another 2 km to walk through out the 11 km walk to the river. Then came the momentous decision of crossing the river, which was dared only by four people and the rest of us walked back to a cemented place to get rid of the leeches. There was no way any of us would walk back we all proclaimed. Hence we hired a pickup truck from the service providers. When the truck arrived we all realized that the truck was in fact a milk van.

This was the peak moment of the adventure. For the next half an hour all of us were standing in the milk van making the best of the railings and other supports provided by the structure of the van. In this journey, I was thankful for few things. One, I had an empty stomach by then. Two, nobody other than me had motion sickness. That was when I realized how brutal the Nazis were on the Jews. I had always thought while reading any literature on the Nazi torture that the journey was difficult because of the lack of food and the weather conditions and because many people were crammed up in a small space. I had never imagined the torture of the travel itself. For the entire duration, our entire body was “abused as never before,” to quote someone else. But there was a delight in that too. Watching the greeneries past and knowing there was earth below and a sky that was still pouring had a great effect on the senses.

Returning to the mini bus I thanked heavens to keep me alive and in good shape after this great adventure. All of us were wet to the bones and decided we cannot go through another of such a day to see the Z point at sunrise when there was no knowing if the sun will be able to break through the clouds next day. We decided to get dry, have dinner, and go back to the city at the earliest. The return journey was also an adventure of sorts for me as muscles I didn’t even acknowledge before were aching. We reached back to the safety of our homes at 5.30 early next morning. It took me another 24 hours to gather myself.

It was a journey of a sort that I realized very much later that gives two pleasures to a human; the site seeing for nature at its widest with the exhilaration of facing odds and making the best of them. Exactly a week later I am able to write objectively about the entire episode. If I were asked then I would have simply said this is the last adventure of my life. Now I say I need more. I need to have fresh, clean , unadulterated air and I need the sense of excitement to fill me with wonder at my own self. 

Mandatory Chopsticks

A rather intriguing title, won’t you agree? Well without going round about, I would like to explain that in Japan, the art of eating almost every kind of food from cereals to vegetables and meat, even roti and dosa if they are cooked there, has to be mastered through a thorough knowledge of the use of chopsticks if one is to eat in public. Or privately, the spoons provided by God are most welcome. When I was told that even their most famous restaurants would provide you only with the option of chopstick or fingers if ever you were unfortunate enough not to know how to coerce food in between the sticks and then to your mouth, I thought of them to be an unsecured self imposing nation. Now come on, even the cold parts of Serbia boasts of Indian food even though the menu includes only Rice and curd and then goes on to include other delicacies, I have the misfortune of not hearing earlier. I must hastily add to some observant people that these tales are not mine to tell, they had been told to me by two foodies of my family who happened to be stuck in the above two countries separately in different time frames.

And then when I recently moved on to a metropolitan city to stay for good, I realized that it is tradition that all the people strive very hard to keep about them, even if it means to force the visitors to your humble abode to do some things very uncharacteristic of them, them being the visitors of course. In a country that has accepted all the varying kinds of traditions from across the globe to be embedded in their daily lives, I found this forcing or coercing a trifle disconcerting. I was ready to spread my wings and fly high in the sky with rebellion written all over me just to show them I am an individual who has lived life the way I have been taught and then learned through experiences and I am NOT a child to be molded in any other fashion, now of all times.

Immediately it was explained to me, “Sweetheart, it is the climatic and geographical differences that has led us to live the life we lead, the traditions we follow and that we insist you to catch up with. It is imperative that you must have rice all the year round at all the meals excepting a few. It is also essential that you forget vegetables are meant to be consumed in large quantities, since vegetables do not grow here sufficiently and have to be imported; they are equivalent to the cost of gold. And it is also very much needed that you put a bindi, bangles, earrings and a necklace at all times to distinguish you as a Hindu lady. This has been the way we have been protecting or risking our weaker sex for decades in case of religion feuds. You may insist on wearing western outfit, but do remember the outfit will only attract negative attention. And certainly you must wake up at the crack of the dawn and must complete your morning ablutions before the sun wakes up as the first sun rays have the most positive effect on a fully wide awake person. You may be interested to learn our language, it will help you in dealing with the local people, including the bus conductors, taxi walas, autorickshaw walas, electrician, plumber, carpenter to mention a few.”

I was not ready to listen to reason, as some of you must have guessed already. I reasoned they may well think for my good, but I am an independent adult female who has the fame for being quite formidable in her own right. I went about the city learning the numbers upto 10 in the new language and wearing modest clothes or so I believe, Indian as well as western with only one or two accessories to claim me a piteous Hindu lady.

Oh! The merriment of this was to be granted to the people who heard one or two of my rather infamous stories. You may enjoy few as well.

After a late dinner one night of spiced vegetables and naan, I had a huge ache in my stomach and the wish to retch horribly. My sister insisted we go to some place where I can be taken care of in case I needed someone instead of both of us returning to our respective hostels. So we landed on the door of a friend’s house. Early next morning I had to leave in haste as I had nothing with me to sustain the day. I went to the main bus stand of the city for the first time, waited for half an hour, and then found the appropriate bus to reach my place mentioning a landmark near my place to the bus driver before getting aboard. I was feeling quite elated over the fact that even when sleepy I can find my way through the big city. While paying the fare I didn’t have the exact denomination of money and the conductor didn’t have the money he needed to give me back. Instead he scribbled the amount on the back of the ticket and went off. As the journey progressed I was aware of the different route the bus was taking and was suddenly afraid that I have got up in a wrong bus after all. After few minutes I asked the bus conductor for my money. He actually raised his voice above the hum of the bus and told me a lot of stuff in his language. I looked about the people around me in case someone would rescue me after all. In the meantime the bus conductor had moved on to a distant and crowded section of the bus. When finally people started getting down I knew this had to be where I must get down too even though I didn’t recognize the place. I asked the bus conductor again for the money and this time I had seen him jangling a few coins in his pocket and he obstinately asked me to get down of the bus in again a loud voice, and told the driver to move on. I had to jump off the bus without the money. Alas! The fool I was to think I’ll manage to give him a tongue lashing of my own. Its ok dear, you might well manage.

I thought so and spiritedly went about a temple another morning. For half an hour I was left searching where to keep my shoes before entering. Then I learnt I had to pick a coir bag from a stand, put my shoes in it, and hand it over to a man who would hand me a token back. Ok. I have time to spend. It’s ok. Then when the other devotees saw me without a bindi in the temple, one of them pointedly asked me if I was a hindu, if not you may leave please, he told. I told him I was and he pressed a plate of haldi in my hand insisting I put a big patch on my forehead. I thanked god he didn’t have sindoor with him.

Now thoroughly browbeaten, I asked one of my friends to fix me an autorickshaw to reach my sister’s place one weekend. The driver asked for extra money on meter as the place was outside the main city. Then we told him I would get down at a place where he can get passengers for the back journey. This place I had heard from my sister but couldn’t place it and I just had to keep my mouth shut lest the driver knows I am ignorant about the road and take me in a circuitous way for high meter reading. But I remembered my sister had told me she walked down from this place to her house. So when the driver having reached one location asked if he might stop, I told him yes. Then I began walking searching for the elusive METRO where I should have got down. I walked on a straight road which I was told will pass through my destination. Having walked about 3 km, I was beginning to despair but could spot the building concerned about another half km away. I walked on determined. My sister seeing my haggard face was alarmed and asked after me. I told her the situation and she laughed out loud. Yes she did. Coz, one she had not told me she walked that distance, she had boasted of it. Two I had been brought ahead by another km in the autorickshaw at the meter fare than initially agreed to. I told myself you’ll sustain dear, you have to.

And I have. By listening to my elders and peers who had only the best of intents for me in the heart. When I move out I dress accordingly. I eat rice and less spicy watery daal with little vegetable at each meal to prevent a burning stomach. And yes I have purchased a book to learn the language in 30 days. Getting up in the morning… well… I sleep through all the sounds and disturbances that can be had at such times with an open eye, but by God, I do sleep.

Well, be a roman when in Rome.

THE IGNORE MODE

A DOG, that’s it. Why should I be concerning myself with it? Why should I even give it one minute of my day? Who knows the answers, maybe God, but I don’t know. Not that I wish to know, yet imagine sitting in my room at my leisure in its entire splendor, I am worrying myself over a DOG. The dog lovers may desist from entering into an angry tirade with me before hearing out my case. You simply must read on.

Well, here I am, living as a paying guest in one part of India where nature and man have striven, and still do, to live in harmony with each other. For a metropolis, it has quite heavy vegetation for most of its roads remain in the shade of huge trees for a good length of the day. The housing space is crammed up with hardly a meter space between the house wall and the boundary wall leaving no space for a garden, yet the roads are wide. When I was introduced to the ‘gullies’ of the city, I was left wondering that the speaker of such a word has never been to Kolkatta, Mumbai, Cuttack, Raipur or any place in this country to know that the gullies are supposed to have the breadth of a hair to be called so.

I think I am deviating. Coming back to the dog, I did mention I was staying as a paying guest, didn’t I? Yes, I did. So, the land owner of this housing facility has a DOG, the DOG. A Labrador, no less. Well considering now, I think Labradors and I have some kind of a thing going on between us for sometime past. One Labrador seemed a nuisance for almost the past year and another seems to take away… Ah! These Labradors. This is the third one I have the fortune or misfortune to know by name in this lifetime and I do hope this is the last. Dog lovers must still wait for me to present my case which I am going to present soon enough.

So, here’s the thing. This Labrador that the landowners here possess, Balto (I think that is name, though I have heard it being called Malto by the other residents here.), is a huge dog. Had its face been a shade of black and a bit sagging, it could have passed for the most formidable bull dog ever. But nevertheless it is a huge Labrador, and barks deafeningly when anybody approaches the house except the residents. Barking seems hardly harmful, but it actually growls and bares its teeth. For one moment that first time its eyes alighted on me, I was left wondering if I’ll survive to take the rabies injection at all. The landlady maneuvered Balto to sweets, yes sweets that were kept handy for just the occasion, for my sister already a resident here for sometime is still afraid of the dog.

And hence after the first encounter I was prepared to let it smell me over so that it would recognize me for future encounters which might happen when the landowners are away from home, though it meant standing in near vicinity of a large dog smelling my scent from all over me. I even proceeded to pat it on its head after that to become familiar. Those few minutes of scrutinized smelling over, I felt confident to move to and fro from my room upstairs to streets two storey below via the corridor guarded by Balto.

Confident I was, but was not prepared for what happened next. The next time I was supposed to get past it, it didn’t even give me the courtesy of glancing my way to recognize me. It happened four times in one and a half days. I was marveling at its smelling abilities, when I noticed it giving some sign of recognition to the rest of the residents. Maybe a bark, a sniff, a whoof, brushing against some, but for me it was ignoring my presence all together. So much so for trying to be friendly with a dog, I thought.

No, here the case of the DOG is not completed. It went ahead another step. Ignoring me, it continued. But for heaven’s sake, it even ignored anybody who was with me. No barks, sniffs or brushes for anyone who crossed the corridor along with me. It didn’t even rise to the occasion when someone wanted to play with it or cuddle and fondle it. This caught my curiosity and I wondered if it would be passive to my presence even when I irritate it deliberately.  

Afraid that I am of dogs, I cautiously set about causing Balto to metamorphose its reactions concerning me. I tried to pat it, it took it as if a tree trunk might from a human. I brushed past it, it went on to scratch itself thoroughly for all of six minutes. I closed the door on its face literally, it was protruding through the corridor to the stairs where someone unknown was standing trying to seek admittance to the hall along with my sister. I closed the door and stood looking at it. It didn’t even give me a look back and went to its normal sitting pose. Booh! The other day I came back with food, it came barking to the door, saw me or maybe smelled me and withdrew without a pause.

How bad! How degrading? To be ignored and ignored completely by a DOG, a DOG and that too a Labrador, no less. I tried to tell myself never mind, it’s a dog ignoring you. Then again ignored by a DOG. Arrgh.......!

So much so for being a dog fearing individual who for once tried to overcome the fear and be friendly with a dog. The DOG.

Resigned to destiny contd... (.)

“Hello,” he mumbled into the phone.

“Hello! Good Morning,” she chirped.

“God! It’s not even 7. I suppose our rendezvous was decided to be at 11. Why are you waking me up so early in the morning?”

“Ummm… Actually, I won’t be able to go out with you today. In fact I’m leaving for home in the evening.”

“What? But we were supposed to go shopping today and have dinner together.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m really sorry. Ma insisted that I go with her to get my clothes fitted and all my relatives invited me to their places. The decision was taken yesterday morning. I tried telling you in the evening but couldn’t.”

“You can’t be going off today. Please stay back for a day or two more. I had so many things planned. I’ll book the ticket for you. I’ll even drop you home if that’s what’s needed.”

“I know how difficult this all must be for you. First Viplav left and now I am going away. Hey buddy, even we are going to miss you. I’m already thinking how I’ll choose books to read without you. Promise me you’ll be in contact always.”

“Yeah sure. We’ll remain in contact forever. I’ll come to your wedding and then when you christen your first baby. I’ll come even for the second baby. We’ll meet whenever possible. You’ll have to cross this place to go to your parents and I’ll always meet you in the station.”

“You forgot to mention. I’ll visit you on your wedding and be there when you become a father. And if you don’t turn up in the station I’ll get down the train to find you and give you a nice tongue lashing,” she said sniffing.

“Well then, bye. Call me after you reach home. Safe journey and don’t irritate your fellow passengers.”

“I don’t irritate anybody. Ah, let it be. I’ll give a call when I reach.”

His sleep deserted him. She was going away today and he was not even getting a chance to give her a hint that he loves her. She was going today. He was not supposed to be Devdas nor Dutta nor Julia Roberts from ‘My Best Friend’s Wedding’. The next time he sees her she’ll be dressed as the bride of another man and thereafter somebody else’s wife. He had to get away. He had to stop his brain from analyzing the situation further. He walked over to his book shelf and picked up the recent fiction he had borrowed from the library. He sat in his couch unmoved for the next 5 hours immersed in the story. When he finished it, he cried, cried out loud for his heart was weeping.

*****

The D-day. Her wedding day. He was alongside Viplav in the wedding procession. Somebody urged him to dance and he stood at the same place for a long time. They reached her place. The wedding ceremony started. It ended and he was on his way back home. All he remembered of the fateful day was she looked angelic and she had smiled up to him before joining Viplav for the ceremony.

*****

It had been more than a week that he had lost track of his life. He walked onto the mirror and the man looking back at him had hollow cheeks, overgrown beard, red, puffy eyes and a ghost of a smile. He couldn’t recognize himself. Yesterday night he had promised himself that from that moment he’ll try and get over her. He hadn’t even talked to her in the last seven days, she was busy as a new bride. He had thought of getting a semblance of his life back.

And so he started. He shaved his face, ate gracious amount of food, pasted a smile on his face, and left for his office. At office everybody seemed pleased with him and he worked harder than ever to finish his pending jobs. After his working hours he reached his library and stood deciding which book to borrow. His eyes wandered to the couch together they had occupied. He averted his eyes and selected the first book his eyes landed upon. At the coffee shop, he looked out for his favorite table and reminded himself to forget all. After dinner, he switched on the TV. The program showing was her favorite and he changed the channel. When he found nothing worthwhile watching, he read the book he had with him. At 10 pm he was tempted to call her yet once more and she as usual didn’t pick up his call.

Fifteen days later he realized this had become a routine except that she picked up his call thrice and called once. The conversation time had reduced and was very impersonal yet personal.

Often he would sit at one place and think if he had done things differently, maybe she would still be in his life. If he had dressed elegantly rather than his funtoosh manner, if he had talked of better things, if he had laughed at the right places, if he had fought less with her, if he had smiled more with her, if he weren’t so shy, if he had not just met her.

 He wrote:

उसके गम में हमने जीना छोड़ दिया 

पर न उसका गम गया न ही जीवन गया

हम रह गए उसके तस्वीरों के संग 

हमसे वो पलछिन यादें भी मिटाए न गए

आखिर ये ही हुआ करते थे कभी जीवन के रंग

अब ज़िन्दगी के साथ फिर सुलह करना है

उसके जाने के गम में अब जीना है 

Four months later he still felt the same way when both she and Viplav had visited him and Viplav left for on-site work. His life had come back to normalcy. He went out, partied, worked hard, read, surfed on the net. Whenever anything remotely connected to her came up, he shifted to some other form of amusing himself.

Another two months later, he was walking from the office building to the gate while talking to her.

“It’s difficult without Viplav. I should have stayed where I was until he came back.”

“Is there a problem? Something I can do. Tell me and it’ll be done.”

“I guess I am missing him so much that every little situation infuriates me. Long distance relationship when you are married can be so tiresome.”

“Do you miss me?” He regretted the question as soon as he put it. He waited for the answer with closed eyes and slow deep breathing.

She said, “I miss Viplav. But with you, I miss the moments. I miss the library and the chats of the coffee shop. I miss the wrinkling of your nose when you smelled something offensive. I miss the sound of your laugh. I miss being with you. And I miss Viplav too.”

Resigned to destiny contd..

“She had been hiding there behind a book with puffy eyes and red nose. She had been crying in one of the corners of the library, as destiny would have, in my favorite section. As soon our eyes met, she hastily lowered her eyes, picked up her bag and dashed towards the exit. I still have to know why I blocked the way and stood firm when all she did was trying to escape from an embarrassing situation. I coaxed her into telling me her problem.

After much persuasion she complied. Sheena had been nasty to her. Both of them working at the same place and Sheena being her senior, she could do nothing about it. I was somehow not surprised at this revelation. Knowing Sheena I could sympathize with her. She gradually relaxed in my company though later she sure mentioned I must be a back-biter. We moved on to other topics like favorite books, authors, music, current affairs. We were so engrossed in our animated discussion that the librarian had to remind us of the ultimate code of conduct of a library, silence.

After this first encounter in library, we kept on bumping into each other many times, initially due to co-incidence and later because I waited for her there. I am not sure when it happened so, but I was living out the entire day so that I could talk to her in the evening. We had not yet exchanged phone numbers. I felt shy to ask and she never offered.

Then this other day, after almost three months, she invited me to dinner with her and Viplav. I had heard her telling so much about him, but not until I met him that I believed them all true. She loved him loads and he loved her with his existence. I could sense that from the first moment I saw them together. Till today, my observation is no different.

That day, Viplav insisted us to exchange mobile numbers. All three of us together went out many times after this and many a times we were joined by our friends. During other occasions we would walk out of the library together to the nearest coffee outlet and sit there discussing everything between the sky and the bottom of the ocean. We had outings and loads of fun. It had become a ritual for both of us to talk for around 15 minutes before she talked to Viplav and went off to sleep.

And somewhere amidst all this I fell in love with her, without knowing it. When she announced the date of her engagement and then told me that since Viplav has been transferred from the city, she will be moving out few days before the wedding, I realized it was not possible for me to let her go away. I tried talking her out of leaving the city, after all Viplav has to go on-site within this year. She is determined.

I love her and want her for myself. But she loves Viplav and he in turn her. I am the one out of place and will have to move. I just pray she will be happy in her new life and live life to the fullest,” he finished hurriedly and managed to keep the tears at bay.

“You are behaving like Devdas. Come on bro, maybe she loves you as well. But can’t say it because of Viplav and because you never mentioned love to her. Give it a try man. Try and steal her. We’ll back you up.”

“Ah! Friends, of course. But they have said already that loving someone means doesn’t mean keeping them for yourself, it means letting them do whatever will keep them happy. I know Viplav is perfect for her; that is my first hand information. I will not cause chaos and even though I can’t have her as a lover, I want her as a friend in my life always.”

“So that you will always be reminded of what you could have and didn’t.”

“No, because I treasure that friendship more than anything to lose it over something I can’t have.”

“Ok. Whatever you decide. Now complete your drink. Its late already and there is office to be attended tomorrow.”

“I can’t drink. I am not Devdas in that sense. Let’s leave.”

He walked all the way to his home, some 5 km. He needed to think. He needed to know why God would do this to him. He had been an ideal person all his life. He also had another food for thought. Even though he vehemently refused to admit his love to her, what would happen if he dropped a hint or two? Did she love him, just a little bit? Would she in her wildest dreams ever agree? Damn it, she got engaged today, he thought bitterly. But he should give it a try. After all he would be with her the entire next day. He was supposed to go shopping with her to find a gift for Viplav and then she was giving him a treat of a movie and dinner for her beautiful arrangement. Maybe he should try tomorrow. Maybe he will, he thought as he entered his apartment.

Resigned to destiny contd.

Three hours and many such visits to the washroom later he was finally walking into the bar to drink his way to oblivion without a care for the world. But it was not supposed to be so. His two closest friends walked through the door towards him and gave him knowing smiles. They were the only two people who knew he loved her too much to see her get married to someone else. They didn’t object to his drinking, rather ordered cocktails for themselves too. They had never asked him the story though they did know about his sufferings. Today they asked and he found himself speaking.

“Ironically, I met her the first time when I was introduced to her along with Viplav as her boyfriend,” he laughed at his own stupidity.

“You must be kidding. If you knew she was seeing somebody already, how could you develop tender feelings for her?”

“Even I’d like an answer to that. I knew she had a man in her life. I knew she loved him and Viplav, well, he loves her with his own existence. That is the reason I’m standing in the sideline watching.”

“What happened? She had a fight with Viplav and you felt a need to be around and fell in love?”

He laughed and lifted his glass of scotch to his mouth, immediately wrinkled his nose against the offensive smell of the liquor and left it untouched on the table again. Since the day he found she was averse to alcoholic beverages, he had been as far away as possible from them. His friends had often teased him saying he was getting soft. With a pang of sorrow he tried remembering how he got himself into such an absurd and impossible situation.

“Hey, man, I’m asking you. You won’t evade me tonight.”

“Yeah, I knew she had a boyfriend,” he said with a sigh. “The first time I met her all I saw was a girl who was just out of college and had a lot to learn about the world, yet had a remarkable insight to many things. Sheena, our hostess, also our common friend, had arranged one of those musical parties where you had to shout to converse. We exchanged a few sentences and that was all.

After that I saw her in two more parties Sheena and I both attended. It was a season of achievements of our friends, remember. On both occasions we exchanged a few witty remarks, laughed at them and got along with the rest of the party. And the next thing I know, the very next evening of the second party I bumped into her in my library.”

Both his friends quirked their brows.

“Save your imaginations, you’ll need them tomorrow morning for finding excuses for being late to the office after tonight’s hangover. She had been hiding there behind a book with puffy eyes and red nose. She had been crying...”