THE IGNORE MODE

A DOG, that’s it. Why should I be concerning myself with it? Why should I even give it one minute of my day? Who knows the answers, maybe God, but I don’t know. Not that I wish to know, yet imagine sitting in my room at my leisure in its entire splendor, I am worrying myself over a DOG. The dog lovers may desist from entering into an angry tirade with me before hearing out my case. You simply must read on.

Well, here I am, living as a paying guest in one part of India where nature and man have striven, and still do, to live in harmony with each other. For a metropolis, it has quite heavy vegetation for most of its roads remain in the shade of huge trees for a good length of the day. The housing space is crammed up with hardly a meter space between the house wall and the boundary wall leaving no space for a garden, yet the roads are wide. When I was introduced to the ‘gullies’ of the city, I was left wondering that the speaker of such a word has never been to Kolkatta, Mumbai, Cuttack, Raipur or any place in this country to know that the gullies are supposed to have the breadth of a hair to be called so.

I think I am deviating. Coming back to the dog, I did mention I was staying as a paying guest, didn’t I? Yes, I did. So, the land owner of this housing facility has a DOG, the DOG. A Labrador, no less. Well considering now, I think Labradors and I have some kind of a thing going on between us for sometime past. One Labrador seemed a nuisance for almost the past year and another seems to take away… Ah! These Labradors. This is the third one I have the fortune or misfortune to know by name in this lifetime and I do hope this is the last. Dog lovers must still wait for me to present my case which I am going to present soon enough.

So, here’s the thing. This Labrador that the landowners here possess, Balto (I think that is name, though I have heard it being called Malto by the other residents here.), is a huge dog. Had its face been a shade of black and a bit sagging, it could have passed for the most formidable bull dog ever. But nevertheless it is a huge Labrador, and barks deafeningly when anybody approaches the house except the residents. Barking seems hardly harmful, but it actually growls and bares its teeth. For one moment that first time its eyes alighted on me, I was left wondering if I’ll survive to take the rabies injection at all. The landlady maneuvered Balto to sweets, yes sweets that were kept handy for just the occasion, for my sister already a resident here for sometime is still afraid of the dog.

And hence after the first encounter I was prepared to let it smell me over so that it would recognize me for future encounters which might happen when the landowners are away from home, though it meant standing in near vicinity of a large dog smelling my scent from all over me. I even proceeded to pat it on its head after that to become familiar. Those few minutes of scrutinized smelling over, I felt confident to move to and fro from my room upstairs to streets two storey below via the corridor guarded by Balto.

Confident I was, but was not prepared for what happened next. The next time I was supposed to get past it, it didn’t even give me the courtesy of glancing my way to recognize me. It happened four times in one and a half days. I was marveling at its smelling abilities, when I noticed it giving some sign of recognition to the rest of the residents. Maybe a bark, a sniff, a whoof, brushing against some, but for me it was ignoring my presence all together. So much so for trying to be friendly with a dog, I thought.

No, here the case of the DOG is not completed. It went ahead another step. Ignoring me, it continued. But for heaven’s sake, it even ignored anybody who was with me. No barks, sniffs or brushes for anyone who crossed the corridor along with me. It didn’t even rise to the occasion when someone wanted to play with it or cuddle and fondle it. This caught my curiosity and I wondered if it would be passive to my presence even when I irritate it deliberately.  

Afraid that I am of dogs, I cautiously set about causing Balto to metamorphose its reactions concerning me. I tried to pat it, it took it as if a tree trunk might from a human. I brushed past it, it went on to scratch itself thoroughly for all of six minutes. I closed the door on its face literally, it was protruding through the corridor to the stairs where someone unknown was standing trying to seek admittance to the hall along with my sister. I closed the door and stood looking at it. It didn’t even give me a look back and went to its normal sitting pose. Booh! The other day I came back with food, it came barking to the door, saw me or maybe smelled me and withdrew without a pause.

How bad! How degrading? To be ignored and ignored completely by a DOG, a DOG and that too a Labrador, no less. I tried to tell myself never mind, it’s a dog ignoring you. Then again ignored by a DOG. Arrgh.......!

So much so for being a dog fearing individual who for once tried to overcome the fear and be friendly with a dog. The DOG.

Resigned to destiny contd... (.)

“Hello,” he mumbled into the phone.

“Hello! Good Morning,” she chirped.

“God! It’s not even 7. I suppose our rendezvous was decided to be at 11. Why are you waking me up so early in the morning?”

“Ummm… Actually, I won’t be able to go out with you today. In fact I’m leaving for home in the evening.”

“What? But we were supposed to go shopping today and have dinner together.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m really sorry. Ma insisted that I go with her to get my clothes fitted and all my relatives invited me to their places. The decision was taken yesterday morning. I tried telling you in the evening but couldn’t.”

“You can’t be going off today. Please stay back for a day or two more. I had so many things planned. I’ll book the ticket for you. I’ll even drop you home if that’s what’s needed.”

“I know how difficult this all must be for you. First Viplav left and now I am going away. Hey buddy, even we are going to miss you. I’m already thinking how I’ll choose books to read without you. Promise me you’ll be in contact always.”

“Yeah sure. We’ll remain in contact forever. I’ll come to your wedding and then when you christen your first baby. I’ll come even for the second baby. We’ll meet whenever possible. You’ll have to cross this place to go to your parents and I’ll always meet you in the station.”

“You forgot to mention. I’ll visit you on your wedding and be there when you become a father. And if you don’t turn up in the station I’ll get down the train to find you and give you a nice tongue lashing,” she said sniffing.

“Well then, bye. Call me after you reach home. Safe journey and don’t irritate your fellow passengers.”

“I don’t irritate anybody. Ah, let it be. I’ll give a call when I reach.”

His sleep deserted him. She was going away today and he was not even getting a chance to give her a hint that he loves her. She was going today. He was not supposed to be Devdas nor Dutta nor Julia Roberts from ‘My Best Friend’s Wedding’. The next time he sees her she’ll be dressed as the bride of another man and thereafter somebody else’s wife. He had to get away. He had to stop his brain from analyzing the situation further. He walked over to his book shelf and picked up the recent fiction he had borrowed from the library. He sat in his couch unmoved for the next 5 hours immersed in the story. When he finished it, he cried, cried out loud for his heart was weeping.

*****

The D-day. Her wedding day. He was alongside Viplav in the wedding procession. Somebody urged him to dance and he stood at the same place for a long time. They reached her place. The wedding ceremony started. It ended and he was on his way back home. All he remembered of the fateful day was she looked angelic and she had smiled up to him before joining Viplav for the ceremony.

*****

It had been more than a week that he had lost track of his life. He walked onto the mirror and the man looking back at him had hollow cheeks, overgrown beard, red, puffy eyes and a ghost of a smile. He couldn’t recognize himself. Yesterday night he had promised himself that from that moment he’ll try and get over her. He hadn’t even talked to her in the last seven days, she was busy as a new bride. He had thought of getting a semblance of his life back.

And so he started. He shaved his face, ate gracious amount of food, pasted a smile on his face, and left for his office. At office everybody seemed pleased with him and he worked harder than ever to finish his pending jobs. After his working hours he reached his library and stood deciding which book to borrow. His eyes wandered to the couch together they had occupied. He averted his eyes and selected the first book his eyes landed upon. At the coffee shop, he looked out for his favorite table and reminded himself to forget all. After dinner, he switched on the TV. The program showing was her favorite and he changed the channel. When he found nothing worthwhile watching, he read the book he had with him. At 10 pm he was tempted to call her yet once more and she as usual didn’t pick up his call.

Fifteen days later he realized this had become a routine except that she picked up his call thrice and called once. The conversation time had reduced and was very impersonal yet personal.

Often he would sit at one place and think if he had done things differently, maybe she would still be in his life. If he had dressed elegantly rather than his funtoosh manner, if he had talked of better things, if he had laughed at the right places, if he had fought less with her, if he had smiled more with her, if he weren’t so shy, if he had not just met her.

 He wrote:

उसके गम में हमने जीना छोड़ दिया 

पर न उसका गम गया न ही जीवन गया

हम रह गए उसके तस्वीरों के संग 

हमसे वो पलछिन यादें भी मिटाए न गए

आखिर ये ही हुआ करते थे कभी जीवन के रंग

अब ज़िन्दगी के साथ फिर सुलह करना है

उसके जाने के गम में अब जीना है 

Four months later he still felt the same way when both she and Viplav had visited him and Viplav left for on-site work. His life had come back to normalcy. He went out, partied, worked hard, read, surfed on the net. Whenever anything remotely connected to her came up, he shifted to some other form of amusing himself.

Another two months later, he was walking from the office building to the gate while talking to her.

“It’s difficult without Viplav. I should have stayed where I was until he came back.”

“Is there a problem? Something I can do. Tell me and it’ll be done.”

“I guess I am missing him so much that every little situation infuriates me. Long distance relationship when you are married can be so tiresome.”

“Do you miss me?” He regretted the question as soon as he put it. He waited for the answer with closed eyes and slow deep breathing.

She said, “I miss Viplav. But with you, I miss the moments. I miss the library and the chats of the coffee shop. I miss the wrinkling of your nose when you smelled something offensive. I miss the sound of your laugh. I miss being with you. And I miss Viplav too.”

Resigned to destiny contd..

“She had been hiding there behind a book with puffy eyes and red nose. She had been crying in one of the corners of the library, as destiny would have, in my favorite section. As soon our eyes met, she hastily lowered her eyes, picked up her bag and dashed towards the exit. I still have to know why I blocked the way and stood firm when all she did was trying to escape from an embarrassing situation. I coaxed her into telling me her problem.

After much persuasion she complied. Sheena had been nasty to her. Both of them working at the same place and Sheena being her senior, she could do nothing about it. I was somehow not surprised at this revelation. Knowing Sheena I could sympathize with her. She gradually relaxed in my company though later she sure mentioned I must be a back-biter. We moved on to other topics like favorite books, authors, music, current affairs. We were so engrossed in our animated discussion that the librarian had to remind us of the ultimate code of conduct of a library, silence.

After this first encounter in library, we kept on bumping into each other many times, initially due to co-incidence and later because I waited for her there. I am not sure when it happened so, but I was living out the entire day so that I could talk to her in the evening. We had not yet exchanged phone numbers. I felt shy to ask and she never offered.

Then this other day, after almost three months, she invited me to dinner with her and Viplav. I had heard her telling so much about him, but not until I met him that I believed them all true. She loved him loads and he loved her with his existence. I could sense that from the first moment I saw them together. Till today, my observation is no different.

That day, Viplav insisted us to exchange mobile numbers. All three of us together went out many times after this and many a times we were joined by our friends. During other occasions we would walk out of the library together to the nearest coffee outlet and sit there discussing everything between the sky and the bottom of the ocean. We had outings and loads of fun. It had become a ritual for both of us to talk for around 15 minutes before she talked to Viplav and went off to sleep.

And somewhere amidst all this I fell in love with her, without knowing it. When she announced the date of her engagement and then told me that since Viplav has been transferred from the city, she will be moving out few days before the wedding, I realized it was not possible for me to let her go away. I tried talking her out of leaving the city, after all Viplav has to go on-site within this year. She is determined.

I love her and want her for myself. But she loves Viplav and he in turn her. I am the one out of place and will have to move. I just pray she will be happy in her new life and live life to the fullest,” he finished hurriedly and managed to keep the tears at bay.

“You are behaving like Devdas. Come on bro, maybe she loves you as well. But can’t say it because of Viplav and because you never mentioned love to her. Give it a try man. Try and steal her. We’ll back you up.”

“Ah! Friends, of course. But they have said already that loving someone means doesn’t mean keeping them for yourself, it means letting them do whatever will keep them happy. I know Viplav is perfect for her; that is my first hand information. I will not cause chaos and even though I can’t have her as a lover, I want her as a friend in my life always.”

“So that you will always be reminded of what you could have and didn’t.”

“No, because I treasure that friendship more than anything to lose it over something I can’t have.”

“Ok. Whatever you decide. Now complete your drink. Its late already and there is office to be attended tomorrow.”

“I can’t drink. I am not Devdas in that sense. Let’s leave.”

He walked all the way to his home, some 5 km. He needed to think. He needed to know why God would do this to him. He had been an ideal person all his life. He also had another food for thought. Even though he vehemently refused to admit his love to her, what would happen if he dropped a hint or two? Did she love him, just a little bit? Would she in her wildest dreams ever agree? Damn it, she got engaged today, he thought bitterly. But he should give it a try. After all he would be with her the entire next day. He was supposed to go shopping with her to find a gift for Viplav and then she was giving him a treat of a movie and dinner for her beautiful arrangement. Maybe he should try tomorrow. Maybe he will, he thought as he entered his apartment.

Resigned to destiny contd.

Three hours and many such visits to the washroom later he was finally walking into the bar to drink his way to oblivion without a care for the world. But it was not supposed to be so. His two closest friends walked through the door towards him and gave him knowing smiles. They were the only two people who knew he loved her too much to see her get married to someone else. They didn’t object to his drinking, rather ordered cocktails for themselves too. They had never asked him the story though they did know about his sufferings. Today they asked and he found himself speaking.

“Ironically, I met her the first time when I was introduced to her along with Viplav as her boyfriend,” he laughed at his own stupidity.

“You must be kidding. If you knew she was seeing somebody already, how could you develop tender feelings for her?”

“Even I’d like an answer to that. I knew she had a man in her life. I knew she loved him and Viplav, well, he loves her with his own existence. That is the reason I’m standing in the sideline watching.”

“What happened? She had a fight with Viplav and you felt a need to be around and fell in love?”

He laughed and lifted his glass of scotch to his mouth, immediately wrinkled his nose against the offensive smell of the liquor and left it untouched on the table again. Since the day he found she was averse to alcoholic beverages, he had been as far away as possible from them. His friends had often teased him saying he was getting soft. With a pang of sorrow he tried remembering how he got himself into such an absurd and impossible situation.

“Hey, man, I’m asking you. You won’t evade me tonight.”

“Yeah, I knew she had a boyfriend,” he said with a sigh. “The first time I met her all I saw was a girl who was just out of college and had a lot to learn about the world, yet had a remarkable insight to many things. Sheena, our hostess, also our common friend, had arranged one of those musical parties where you had to shout to converse. We exchanged a few sentences and that was all.

After that I saw her in two more parties Sheena and I both attended. It was a season of achievements of our friends, remember. On both occasions we exchanged a few witty remarks, laughed at them and got along with the rest of the party. And the next thing I know, the very next evening of the second party I bumped into her in my library.”

Both his friends quirked their brows.

“Save your imaginations, you’ll need them tomorrow morning for finding excuses for being late to the office after tonight’s hangover. She had been hiding there behind a book with puffy eyes and red nose. She had been crying...”