Resigned to destiny contd... (.)

“Hello,” he mumbled into the phone.

“Hello! Good Morning,” she chirped.

“God! It’s not even 7. I suppose our rendezvous was decided to be at 11. Why are you waking me up so early in the morning?”

“Ummm… Actually, I won’t be able to go out with you today. In fact I’m leaving for home in the evening.”

“What? But we were supposed to go shopping today and have dinner together.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m really sorry. Ma insisted that I go with her to get my clothes fitted and all my relatives invited me to their places. The decision was taken yesterday morning. I tried telling you in the evening but couldn’t.”

“You can’t be going off today. Please stay back for a day or two more. I had so many things planned. I’ll book the ticket for you. I’ll even drop you home if that’s what’s needed.”

“I know how difficult this all must be for you. First Viplav left and now I am going away. Hey buddy, even we are going to miss you. I’m already thinking how I’ll choose books to read without you. Promise me you’ll be in contact always.”

“Yeah sure. We’ll remain in contact forever. I’ll come to your wedding and then when you christen your first baby. I’ll come even for the second baby. We’ll meet whenever possible. You’ll have to cross this place to go to your parents and I’ll always meet you in the station.”

“You forgot to mention. I’ll visit you on your wedding and be there when you become a father. And if you don’t turn up in the station I’ll get down the train to find you and give you a nice tongue lashing,” she said sniffing.

“Well then, bye. Call me after you reach home. Safe journey and don’t irritate your fellow passengers.”

“I don’t irritate anybody. Ah, let it be. I’ll give a call when I reach.”

His sleep deserted him. She was going away today and he was not even getting a chance to give her a hint that he loves her. She was going today. He was not supposed to be Devdas nor Dutta nor Julia Roberts from ‘My Best Friend’s Wedding’. The next time he sees her she’ll be dressed as the bride of another man and thereafter somebody else’s wife. He had to get away. He had to stop his brain from analyzing the situation further. He walked over to his book shelf and picked up the recent fiction he had borrowed from the library. He sat in his couch unmoved for the next 5 hours immersed in the story. When he finished it, he cried, cried out loud for his heart was weeping.

*****

The D-day. Her wedding day. He was alongside Viplav in the wedding procession. Somebody urged him to dance and he stood at the same place for a long time. They reached her place. The wedding ceremony started. It ended and he was on his way back home. All he remembered of the fateful day was she looked angelic and she had smiled up to him before joining Viplav for the ceremony.

*****

It had been more than a week that he had lost track of his life. He walked onto the mirror and the man looking back at him had hollow cheeks, overgrown beard, red, puffy eyes and a ghost of a smile. He couldn’t recognize himself. Yesterday night he had promised himself that from that moment he’ll try and get over her. He hadn’t even talked to her in the last seven days, she was busy as a new bride. He had thought of getting a semblance of his life back.

And so he started. He shaved his face, ate gracious amount of food, pasted a smile on his face, and left for his office. At office everybody seemed pleased with him and he worked harder than ever to finish his pending jobs. After his working hours he reached his library and stood deciding which book to borrow. His eyes wandered to the couch together they had occupied. He averted his eyes and selected the first book his eyes landed upon. At the coffee shop, he looked out for his favorite table and reminded himself to forget all. After dinner, he switched on the TV. The program showing was her favorite and he changed the channel. When he found nothing worthwhile watching, he read the book he had with him. At 10 pm he was tempted to call her yet once more and she as usual didn’t pick up his call.

Fifteen days later he realized this had become a routine except that she picked up his call thrice and called once. The conversation time had reduced and was very impersonal yet personal.

Often he would sit at one place and think if he had done things differently, maybe she would still be in his life. If he had dressed elegantly rather than his funtoosh manner, if he had talked of better things, if he had laughed at the right places, if he had fought less with her, if he had smiled more with her, if he weren’t so shy, if he had not just met her.

 He wrote:

उसके गम में हमने जीना छोड़ दिया 

पर न उसका गम गया न ही जीवन गया

हम रह गए उसके तस्वीरों के संग 

हमसे वो पलछिन यादें भी मिटाए न गए

आखिर ये ही हुआ करते थे कभी जीवन के रंग

अब ज़िन्दगी के साथ फिर सुलह करना है

उसके जाने के गम में अब जीना है 

Four months later he still felt the same way when both she and Viplav had visited him and Viplav left for on-site work. His life had come back to normalcy. He went out, partied, worked hard, read, surfed on the net. Whenever anything remotely connected to her came up, he shifted to some other form of amusing himself.

Another two months later, he was walking from the office building to the gate while talking to her.

“It’s difficult without Viplav. I should have stayed where I was until he came back.”

“Is there a problem? Something I can do. Tell me and it’ll be done.”

“I guess I am missing him so much that every little situation infuriates me. Long distance relationship when you are married can be so tiresome.”

“Do you miss me?” He regretted the question as soon as he put it. He waited for the answer with closed eyes and slow deep breathing.

She said, “I miss Viplav. But with you, I miss the moments. I miss the library and the chats of the coffee shop. I miss the wrinkling of your nose when you smelled something offensive. I miss the sound of your laugh. I miss being with you. And I miss Viplav too.”