Solitary speaker

Her daughter, Amê, grew up to be a beautiful woman. She had the same angelic presence as she had as an infant. She had a magnificent job and despite her affliction she had many admirers as well. But by now Amê had started to feel constricted and restrained by the attentions everyone paid to her. She wished to be an independent and self sufficient woman. This desire that had started culling in her from her college days reached its culmination point when she got a transfer and her mother decided to go with her leaving her father and grandfather behind.

The sudden change in her daughter’s demeanor was difficult for her to understand. After all, wasn’t she supposed to be with her daughter all the time? How could she leave Amê to fend for herself in a new city which even she had never visited before? She understood her daughter’s concern regarding her husband and father-in law, but there were others to take care of them. So without any qualms on her conscience she removed herself from her home to a new house in a new city.

But the change in her daughter grew weirder and weirder each day. Amê would leave home without breakfast and without even taking her leave. She would not pick up her calls during the office hours. She returned home late at night and she would go straight to her bed. In the weekends she would catch hold of a book or a few movies and would stay stuck up in a corner of her bed. This continued for three months.

She first thought her daughter to be busy, and then imagined her to be in love and in the last month came to know that it was she that her daughter had objections to. She tried to talk to her, but her daughter kept her silence as usual. She tried appeasing Amê with her favorite foods, movies, books, clothes, everything, that too didn’t work. She then kept her own mouth shut for a while, not talking to her daughter, yet Amê stayed away from her. Contacting her friends back home, she came to know nothing. Frustrated after three more months, she decided to go back to her husband for some time. But while leaving she could not stop her tears nor could she stop herself from writing a letter for Amê.

“One day sooner than later, this monologue will have to end. Me continuously speaking and you hearing or listening I am not sure. Or even me writing and you reading. It has started to feel as if I am forcing you to live in my life, to be caged with me when you wish to fly away, be away from me. It feels like I am imprisoning you with my needs and my words.

Though you may believe it or not, I have tried to give you as much space as possible which according to me is a wide berth. I am not even sure whether you consider it a wide personal space or an empty space where I should have been there or you have ever noticed the space or not. Only if you talk to me, will I be able to know.

Is it wrong to expect few words from you? Is it too much to be expected when I want to know what is going on in your life, how are the people around you, or even how do you react to what I have to say? Is it?

Come on, talk to me… if not then write to me. I’ll go mad in this silence. Tell me I am a burden, I’ll leave right now. Tell me you want me, I’ll stay forever. Tell me to keep distance, you’ll find me only when you want to see me… but please tell me.

This monologue that I have kept going for quite some time had left me bereft. I do not know what you think, what you need, what you feel. It is maddening.

So, today, right now, I am giving you an option, either answer me or I’ll accept the silence for what it is, Rejection. And I shall accept it this time and move away from your life forever. I assure you I’ll not look back ever and you’ll not have to face me anytime in your entire lifetime.”